Letting out some steam, spilling my guts, even though I should go outside for this…

Stress Quote

This is probably the longest post title I will ever allow myself to publish, but I don’t really care much about what the title of this entry is. As the title says, I’m here to spill my guts on the “yoosh” (usual).

WORK! Of course, it isn’t work if we’re not putting out fires and listening to our clients freak out over nothing. But why am I complaining about work on a Sunday?

For one, it’s Sunday. So that means tomorrow’s Monday, the start of another week at work. Oh joy.

Two, and I shouldn’t have done this while at home, but I had to grab something that I sent to myself from our company’s instant messaging system, Slack, and I just happened to open up a channel we have that notifies us of any feedback from our clients. And the feedback that came up was from one of my clients that basically said, not terrible things, but things that did put a damper on my mood, but it can be considered constructive feedback. HOWEVER, the things that the client was expecting of me, the one thing that I will spit out specifics… it’s not in my job description to provide web marketing advice. I didn’t go to school for marketing, I went to school to build websites, studying and practicing code. It just so happens that the only job available to me was this project manager/coordinator role. But I’m going off on a tangent here.

Essentially, from reading her feedback, it makes me want to scream. I want to go outside, somewhere like an empty field, where there’s noone around, and scream until I lose my voice. But it’s so windy (and cold) outside, and I really don’t feel like being blown away today. That wind is seriously strong.

Because I have to put up with all of this at my job, it makes me wonder – actually, I’ve been thinking about this since I first started experiencing this frustration 2 years ago – if there are other opportunities that are FOR ME out there. I’m not exactly looking for other jobs out there, but I might as well just put it out there (I’ve been trying to keep this a secret)… that I’m planning on joining the military as an officer. Because to me, it’s either suffer at this current job or any others like it, or join the military.

I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I am not happy with my job. I may have lied a bit to my supervisor when we had a 1-on-1 sesh, and he asked “do I like my job (as a project success adviser)?” I responded saying that it’s basically all I know right now. But we all know that means that it’s what I’m stuck with. That’s honestly what I wanted to say, but at the time, I really wanted to improve. I always want to improve in my current position, but it’s tiring.

I want to try something new.


A few hours ago, I was doing some reading on the expectations and requirements to become an officer in the military. And honestly, this was the first time in a while that I felt excited and scared at the time over something. Although, I still have to see if I’m qualified, I really want to make this a reality for me.

Most things are at a standstill for me. My job consists of the same routine every single day, although interesting events occur every other day, it’s not the fun and exciting kind. They’re more of the dreadful, “shake my head” kind of events. Living with my parents for the past 27 years is cool, but I just really need to leave. My close friends are leaving me, and I’m in no real state to make new friends. The friends that I still have here all do their own thing. So there really isn’t anything left for me where I’m currently at.

So I really hope the military is my ticket out of here before the end of this year. I emailed my recruiter, so I’m hoping to get this off the ground soon.


As I’m just finishing up this post, I just realized that the music player not only plays on my website, bu it also plays in the dashboard when I’m typing up a new post. Way to present a dramatic feel with background music as I am typing all of this up… thanks, Day6, for always getting me in my feels.

2018: Another New Year

It’s a new year, and I have yet to write something substantial here. I had set out for this website to revolve mostly around K-pop, but through the year 2017, I haven’t had much time to dedicate to the use of this website PERIOD. Well… I’m going to change that, and challenge myself: I’m going to try and write more, although I can’t promise the majority of what I write about will be K-pop related.

While I’m at it, I’m going to start by listing down the new year resolutions that I made for myself this year (whoever reads this, you can hold me accountable for these). I’m now 27 years old, and I still do this every year. Don’t judge me.

My 2018 New Year Resolutions

  1. STOP BEING SO TIRED! All of last year, I always did nothing when I came home from work, or when I had the weekends off. When I got off work, I was too “tired” to do anything. And by “tired”, I mean mentally exhausted. On days like these, I would just watch TV or a bunch of YouTube videos. When I wasn’t watching TV or YouTube videos, I would be making a YouTube video. As productive as that sounds, my efforts meant little to nothing, and the only thing to really show for all the times I’ve spent editing videos was the amount of sleep I lost. HOWEVER… I don’t want to completely stop editing videos – although I lost a lot of sleep over it, I gained a passion for video editing. I just need to plan and spend that time more wisely…
  2. Write down 1 inspirational quote each day. I’m already a week behind on this one, whoops. I’ve tried this before, to write a quote every day for a whole year 3 years ago, then it died halfway through the year. And they were just any ol’ quote that became my favorite, whether they had an inspirational movement behind them or not. This year, I’m making sure that the quotes I write down literally inspire me to stay motivated, stay positive, and lastly STAY AWAKE.
  3. Read a chapter or two of a book each night before bed. Before 2018 even started, I started reading this book, Ready Player One by Ernest Cline. I can’t remember when was the last time I couldn’t put a book down because the story was too enticing to stop. I’m halfway done with the book, by the way. This one, in particular, I plan to have it finished before March because the movie comes out that month!
  4. Lastly, and this is embarrassing for me to put it out there as a resolution, but… lose 30 pounds. Not just last year, but for the past 2 or 3 years, I’m just now noticing the amount of weight I’ve gained, especially since I got my current job of being a project manager (which is essentially a desk job). Then, add being mentally exhausted to do anything all year last year, and you can safely say that I’ve gained more weight than I thought would be possible for me. I’ve always seen myself as a skinny, 120-lb, tan girl that used to longboard everywhere. But that all changed coming into my 3rd or 4th year of college, when I was nowhere close to graduating with even an Associates degree. I’m now an average, 150-lb, not-so-tan young lady that sits at a desk from 9:00am to 6:00pm from Monday to Friday, and was struggling all of 2017 to get up and do something active. To probably noone’s surprise, I am not happy with myself. I told myself that I wasn’t happy with myself last year around this time as well. I am still not happy with my body, and I HAVE to make that change this year.

In the world of K-pop, I’ve grown exhausted with everything as well. The comebacks/new music video drops have been hard to keep up with. There have been times when I wanted to simply watch a new music video as soon as it came out, but I kept thinking about my YouTube channel and told myself to wait until I had time to make a reaction video, which were the weekends – even then, I couldn’t get my ish together. I took on vlogging midway through last year, and I had a better experience with regards to traveling and video editing, but it would be a very rare occasion for me to publish a vlog because of my limited ability to travel. Even keeping up with social media has become cumbersome. Maybe I wouldn’t have such a hard time if I didn’t stan so many groups, but it’s hard for me not to love the groups I’m already in love with. It’s hard to keep up with everything that they’re doing and to show them all equal amounts of love.

Ultimately, I’ve decided that I will not let social media nor current events pressure me to publish a video and post to social media. I will do so at my own leisure (unless by request – which I rarely get), because that is all I can handle.

Well, I basically laid out my “big picture” plans for the year. I honestly don’t know when the next time I will write here, nor what it will be about. But like Schwarzenegger, I’ll be back!

“Lay your troubles on my shoulders. Put your worries in my pocket. Rest your love on me awhile.”

Get me out of here

While I’m waiting for this video to finish exporting, I’m going to spill some thoughts that have been on my mind lately:

So, aside from worrying about the evergrowing list of comebacks, I’ve been putting off this one “thing” that I tasked myself to take care of and see it through to fruition before this year ends. A few of my friends know what it is, but I’m not quite ready to tell the whole world yet. Not that the world really needs to know. But that time will come when it will be known what this “task” is.

I’m also worried about if I’ll be able to carry this YouTube thing on my own. I told one of my coworkers that I took on a hobby of doing this YouTube thing again after taking a break. It’s definitely becoming a hobby, and I love the fact that I can say I am doing some personal and fun projects outside of work. Although after this recent project, it’s driving me insane and into sleeplessness. Hopefully after I keep at it and get back into the groove, it’ll be something that I can devote extra time to. I’m just afraid that with the “thing” I mentioned previously that I’m doing won’t change how I feel about doing these kinds of projects.

Other concerns that are on my plate right now involve the sad news of my youth group coming to a close because of the lack of members we have. It is an organization that I’ve been involved with for 9 years, and it was heartbreaking to see it go down the way that it did. I’ve got some final duties that I need to take care of with regards to the closing my chapter of this organization. I wasn’t ready to let it go, so there were some trinkets and things that I took home with me after cleaning out our usual meeting establishment. I’ve got loads of old pictures to look at, reminisce and create a scrapbook with. I also have figures and awards that I need to go through, and then figure out what I’m going to do with them.

For the past several months, I’ve been trying to take in this concept of minimalism… with my room, my belongings, and my thought process at work. As usual, I’m always trying to get rid some stuff that I don’t use anymore. But by “thought process”, I mean that “less is more” concept when it comes to my correspondences with my clients – my emails can get lengthy and I always tend to write novels, and that’s only because I treat my clients like they know nothing about building websites (which some don’t). Each time a new problem arises with a client, which happens frequently, I have to write manuals explaining why something doesn’t work this way or that way (a.k.a. why they are stupid), and then end it with a potential solution to their problem, which is usually because of user error. It never ends, and there’s never a simple answer to these things. I definitely had one of those moments today at work where I wish we met our clients in person sometimes so that I could strangle them for being so dumb.

Well, it’s another day tomorrow. And my video is still not done exporting. What the fu#&$@R%&*G#YI.